GET TO KNOW ME
My name is Veta
I'm Veta, a life coach minister. God has gifted me with a heart to see and redeem brokenness among women. I use coaching, mentor groups, and healing prayer to participate in the redemptive process God is working in your life.
Why Redemption of Zillah?
It really is a funny sounding name. It doesn't seem familiar, the character does not jump to mind. Please enjoy this explanation of why I chose this name for my coaching practice.
Zillah is actually a very obscure biblical character! Genesis chapter 4 tells us Lamech, descendant of Cain, decided to take two wives. It’s an odd part of the narrative but it’s supposed to shock the reader that so soon after the beautiful narrative of God creating woman and marriage, a man made a decision which was very much at odds with the purpose of marriage. There’s an extra biblical text called the Book of Jasher. It’s popular in some circles but the validity of the document we have just hasn’t been verified. So without calling this scripture, I want to examine part of chapter 2 in Jasher. It expands on the story of Lamech and his two wives, Adah and Zillah.
Verses 19-24 say:
19 For in those days the sons of men began to trespass against God, and to transgress the commandments which he had commanded to Adam, to be fruitful and multiply in the earth.
20 And some of the sons of men caused their wives to drink a draught that would render them barren, in order that they might retain their figures and whereby their beautiful appearance might not fade.
21 And when the sons of men caused some of their wives to drink, Zillah drank with them.
22 And the child-bearing women appeared abominable in the sight of their husbands as widows, whilst their husbands lived, for to the barren ones only they were attached.
23 And in the end of days and years, when Zillah became old, the Lord opened her womb.
24 And she conceived and bare a son and she called his name Tubal Cain, saying, After I had withered away have I obtained him from the Almighty God.
This story just moved me. That men influenced women in only a few generations after the fall to value their sexual worth over their right to bear children. And childbearing women lived as widows while their husbands were alive! I really identify with this great sorrow. It reminds me of what it is really like for a woman to live with a man addicted to sex. I’m a life coaching minister, so I can help you make decisions and changes in your life with a godly perspective. My heart, though, is to the wives of sexually addicted men. As a minister, I want to bring a message to churches about how to truly help these couples heal from the disaster this addiction has on their family. God fearing people know that every family is the building block of a community like a church or a city, and of society at large.
But here’s what happens when a suffering woman tries to get advice from well meaning church members, family, and friends. The woman is told to be more like Zillah. Keep your figure tight, wear sexy clothes, satisfy him more! Or, they are told to be more like Adah. Just forgive, overlook it, pray for him. Be a good righteous mom and maybe he will come around. Does that kind of advice bring true redemption? Meaning, does it bring about new life or freedom or distance from pain, shame, and sin? If you’re a wife watching this video, you may be remembering with great pain times you’ve heard or have taken similar advice. And how miserably it worked for you.
Let’s look at God’s solution! Imagine what Zillah’s life is like as she gets old. She’s always been the favorite wife, commanding her husband’s eyes. But barrenness in the ancient world is a curse on a woman. Where is her future, her legacy, a son to care for her when her husband dies? Who will remember her? As she ages, her beauty which was all she had in life begins to fade. Perhaps her husband is already looking interested in taking a third wife who is much younger than she. And then, joy! The Lord opens her womb! She bears fruit, a son, at last. Genesis tells us she has a daughter too.
Is the solution to sex addiction having children? No! You see, God saw Zillah! And God saw the desire of her heart and the fruit she needed to bear to have peace. It reminds me of how God saw Leah, the unloved wife of Jacob, and chose her to be the ancestor of His Son. It also reminds me of 1 Timothy 2:15, which says, “But women will be saved through childbearing, assuming they continue to live in faith, love, holiness, and modesty.” What a mystery! We know our Salvation is in Messiah alone. No woman claims they were redeemed by having a child. And yet, redemption carries with it birth metaphors, like being born again. I believe the story of Zillah unlocks this strange thing Paul says. In this ancient mindset, it was obvious that to be fruitful and multiply was the will of God. But a union which will not bear the physical fruit of children, in willing barrenness contrary to the command to be fruitful, is like one which cannot bear the spiritual fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, thankfulness, gentleness, or self control. It is clear that Lamech did not bring spiritual fruit to either of his wives. It is clear in the Book of Jasher the responsibility is on Lamech. He caused his wife Zillah to be barren, he caused his wife Adah to live like a widow. Similarly, a sex addict is responsible for his recovery and must cultivate the fruit of the Spirit in his own life. Putting that burden on the suffering wife of an addict is misplacing the responsibility.
I propose the solution for a suffering woman is bearing fruit, too. Cultivating the fruit of the spirit in your life, being seen by God, becoming aware of your true desires, and working to bear the fruit of that desire in your life.
Where do you feel the ache of barrenness in your life? What are you really longing for? Redemptive coaching is about barren seeds becoming ripe fruit!